There are many emotional issues facing family members and friends when a loved one is terminally ill. These include things such as communicating the terminal diagnosis to others; overcoming denial that the person is in fact terminally ill; feeling the need to “be strong” for that person’s benefit; dealing with anticipatory grief; and deciding when or if to engage hospice care services – just to name a few.
I want to share my experience near the end of Ed’s life. After I started hospice care for him I consulted Doug Smucker, MD, a family physician at the University of Cincinnati who specialized in end-of-life care.
After answering all my questions, he told me something that completely changed my thinking and feelings about the situation. He said that rather than focus on Ed’s impending death, I should focus on doing everything I could to help him have the highest possible quality of life in the time that was remaining.
That turned me around and led me to focus on all the special things I could do for Ed – visiting him more often, taking my little Shih Tzu to see him, having the violinist come back and play another concert for him, and buying him even more of the stuffed animals he loved so much. This helped both me and Ed have a beautiful, pleasant months-long conclusion of our life together.