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How To Deal With Family Strife Over Your Caregiving

Having a loved one with Alzheimer’s can create tremendous stress in families. In families where there is generally good will, conflicts can typically be worked through for the common good. However, in families where people didn’t get along well before the diagnosis, it can create nightmares, especially for the primary caregiver.

The situation can become worse if some family members live out of town and only see the loved one for short, infrequent visits. They just don’t have the opportunity to witness the severity and frequency of demented behaviors you deal with every day.

You may find you’re being criticized unfairly for the care you’re providing even though you’re doing a heroic job and making major sacrifices in your personal life to do so. This can lead to bitterness and create extreme disharmony in the family.

Here are a few things you can try to reduce the friction:

1)      Be Patient and Understand Where They’re Coming from:  Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and understand why they lack knowledge of the situation. If you can stay calm you’ll have a better chance of decreasing stressful interactions.

2)      Educate Others about the Patient’s Condition: Make very detailed lists of the patient’s dementia behaviors and share them with family members. Remember, they’ve never seen many of the things you see on a daily basis. Update these lists and share them frequently.

3)      Have Others Care for the Patient for Awhile:  The best way to let other family members understand the loved one’s condition is to have them take care of the patient for awhile. Afterwards you may find you’re being criticized less and appreciated more.

This is such a common problem probably many of you have experienced it to one degree or another. Care to share your experiences? Did you come up with strategies that worked well?

Go to this Mayo Clinic article ( for more information on this topic.

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4 Responses to “How To Deal With Family Strife Over Your Caregiving”

  1. Rich Anderson from Cincinnati OH says:

    My family members actually blame me for some of mom’s symtoms! I wish they would just shut up and help out.

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  2. Elizabeth from Miami says:

    This is a good article but it’s not as easy as it seems. I’ve tried everything, including what you said – all to no avail. Does anybody out there have any more ideas? Mary

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  3. John Williams from New York City says:

    Hello, I will try these approaches but I’m not very hopeful. My brothers live out of town and don’t see all the symptoms I see. I tried making a list but it didn’t help. Our dad has had Alzheimer’s for six years. He’s in a nursing home but I still have to do a lot for him. My brothers even think dad doesn’t need to be in a nursing home if you can believe that.

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  4. Marilyn Swenson says:

    Visiting Angels is indeed a blessing. I needed someone to care for my mom who lives in Palm Beach Gardens, FL. She suffers from Alzheimer’s and I live in England. I was able to choose the right caregiver for my Mom. The person was experienced and had excellent credentials. I have peace of mind knowing that Mom is in capable hands. You should check them out at (561-328-7611) if you need senior care services.

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